I've got to put you to rest....

The skies are grey but finally my head is clear. No one understood why i lost myself, why i was so low... but I opened up my soul to her. I showed her the wound I've been too scared to heal for the past 7 months. All this time I've been crying like a motherless child, not for me but for he or she, they never got the opportunity. I've been replaying different scenarios in my head. How it could have gone differently, what it would have changed, but none of them give me peace of mind. They just seem to perforate the wound deeper. I've been mourning the fact that I never let you come, wondering if you were a blessing at the time ; waking up with regret each morning, hating myself for being a coward and hating him for not stopping me. And while everyone continued their lives like the most common of mortals, I plunged into my suffering. You left me empty and there was not turning back. My hysteria, my painful tears, my loneliness all had a reason and that reason was you. No matter how many time they held me and were there for me, who i wanted was you. I wanted to feel you again and know that one day I'd be able to hold you. I knew leaving the room empty that I'd lose myself in pain because i wasn't like the others. But life does not end here ... it must continue and i have to put and end to my torture. I'm sorry for not giving you the chance. I'm sorry for not being strong enough at the time or courageous for that matter. But one thing is certain that you will always be in my heart. You were my first. I know you're next to HIM, our saviour, along with others who never got the opportunity to shine. However, I will always care and look towards the heavens with a smile because i know you're safe. I must end this here my love and never forget mama will always love you....
Peace y Bendicion