Love Rain...

We walk, I smile.
You hold my hand, I smile.
You say "Baby, I miss you", I smile.
My smile substitutes my lack for words.
I can't lie, I won't lie, I don't care to lie.
I'm far from heartless but I refuse to lead you down the wrong path.
A path full of smile and kisses and superficial feelings. Feelings that barely skim the surface and ridicule the thought of longevity. You see we will never meet in a common place. A place where you and I can resonate. To you this is the beginning of a great love venture, but the reality, honestly, is that here lies no substance.
I knew then as we took the first steps and you took my hand that this "us" had no future, no room for tomorrow. What you're looking for contradicts my needs, a primative love is what you seek. The kind that calls every 5 mins and misses each other every 10. Talks and listens but doesn't really remember. Argues over trivial bullshit and realizes you never really did know one another. The kind that is so naïve it will eventually become stagnant. So stagnant you look elsewhere in efforts to fulfill the missing parts. Emotional parts that were never filled because we only got as deep as our skin.
So you see darling, what I want... what I'm ready for... you can't give me. I want a floetic, poetic kind of love affair. The kind of love affair that doesn't recognize the boundaries of time. The one that kisses my heart and steals my soul. The kind that drips essence and breathes life. The kind filled with endless strolls enlaced with relevant conversations. Conversations that make love to my mind and leave me with a little more knowledge of him. I don't care for love at first sight because what I want is a friend, a lover, a man. I don't want it rushed because I want to learn him inch by inch, flaw by flaw. I don't want to change him or mold him, I want him as is. I want him as unperfect as he was created. So unperfect that I will see God's greatest masterpiece. I want to close my eyes and see him because every delineation on his body will be tatooed in my mind.
I want us to be so connected mentally, and emotionally that after a while, words will seem useless. So intertwined that he will have memorized the beats of my heart. I want patience and time. I want the good, I want the bad, I want it all. What I want is the other half of my soul, I want him engraved in my spirit and I don't care to settle for less than that. I won't look for him because when he comes, our beings will unite. I'm not chasing a dream for I have never really indulged in fairytales. But I know one day love - will - rain- down - on me... So you see I smile, but only because this smile means Goodbye.

- Dalia

Written: 6/17/10

Heaven Only Knows...

After dusk and before dawn,
While the world sleeps
It is when her soul begins to tell.
Tales of broken spirits and blighted hopes.
Mask off staring at her reflection
Her eyes depict the story of forever hidden pain...
They tell no lie
She locks the door knowing she can no longer run...
excruciating and forceful in it attempts to escape, it comes.
She can no longer repress it, contain it, evade or deviate from it.
Her shadow catches up. ...
She holds herself knowing their is no substance strong enough to diminish this...
There is no where to go,
no human to turn to,
nor would she allow any mortal to see her this way.
She aches to be embraced
but her heart can't fathom the thought of more scrutiny or torment .
So she plunges further in her solitude and speaks to the only One who always listens.
Her soul begins to cry.
Mourning a childhood innocence she never had,
longing for family, lovers, child who passed.
Subdued heartbreaks she shook off because of her pride.
She seeked detachment in order to survive.
Reigning queen in a platform of lust,
fucking just for fucking until fucking losts its touch.
Craving more than just the flesh,
she loses interest in pleasuring at her best.
Knowing if she digs any deeper she will bleed,
she finds solace in her retreat.
But in this room there is no need to show her strength,
He cradles her vulnerabilty.
So Divine in His inability to judge her even if He holds the key
Her tears overfloweth,
exemplifying the depth of her wounds.
She knows He will heal her one day
but for now her sorrow remains a secret sworn to these four walls. '
The exterior will continue to view her as rational and strong...
the non emotional girl...
but in here...
Heaven only knows...

- Dalia

Written: 12/11/09

Apples and Kisses

Apples and kisses enlaced with riverside wishes. Dusk filled promenades mixed with unparallel feelings, he's smitten. He courts me, taking every necessary step to get closer, I smile. Looking for proximity rather than intimacy. I intoxicate him leaving him craving more than just the surface. He smiles and moves fowards and as I close my eyes and our lips meet... I feel you. I can taste your breathe. I can hear your whispers, but I know it is different. There is no getting lost in this kiss because these are not your lips. I open my eyes and he stares. I comfort his eyes and hide the disilusion on knowing he isn't you. Wrong in giving him false hope, I know I can no longer be alone. My solitude is tainted by your memory. A fabrication of my imagination, you will remain ignorant to my true feelings. I know this is better left unsaid... Back to reality, he hugs me, resting my head on his shoulder I long for your embrace.

- Dalia

Written: 10/22/09